Just a Revenge Tool
by ChoCedric
Summary: James, Sirius, and Peter have just left the hospital wing after informing Remus of Sirius's prank on Snape, where James saved the Slytherin's life. How does Remus feel about it? Here is his answer. Very angsty!


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Just a Revenge Tool

By: ChoCedric

He lies in his bed in the hospital wing once James, Sirius, and Peter have left, tears rolling down his cheeks. He cannot believe how dumb he was, that he was foolish enough to trust his friends with his secret. He should have known that something like this would transpire, and he wants to hit himself for being totally thoughtless. As he continues to sob quietly, his mind goes back in time.

He can remember the night he was bitten as clearly as if it were yesterday. He was so scared; blood was everywhere, and his leg hurt so badly he thought he would die from the pain of it. He remembers his mother bursting into tears and his father cursing and swearing, vowing to get revenge. He remembers being rushed to St. Mungo's, where the Healers were terrified just to look at him. He then lost all his friends, none of them wanting to play with him anymore after finding out what happened to him. He was only a little boy then, and he couldn't understand why everyone thought he was a monster.

But at age eleven, he met three boys who didn't treat him like an outcast. And when they figured out what he is, they kept being friends with him, despite all the awful stereotypes that circulate around about him. But now, he doesn't know what to think. He knows James and Peter still care, but was he just a weapon to Sirius, something he could use against his enemies? He thought he was more than that, he thought he was a real friend, a real human being.

"I'm sorry," Sirius had said, and he truly looked it. But Remus still wonders why he did it at all. In his moment of rashness, did his true feelings about Remus finally come out? Is he just pretending he's sorry so he can go back to thinking Remus is a weapon all over again? The werewolf doesn't know what to think. Even though he knows James and Peter weren't involved in Sirius's scheme, and James actually stopped the prank from going forward, he feels insecure about them too. Do they think Remus is a weapon as well, and can be used to their advantage?

Madame Pomfrey comes in to check on him, and so does Professor Dumbledore. The kindly Headmaster, who let Remus into Hogwarts in the first place, sees how depressed he is, and does his best to comfort him. But until Remus sees a real sign of how sorry Sirius is rather than just words and a sad face, he doesn't know if he'll really believe it. He knows that if he would have murdered Snape, he would have been executed by the Ministry. Is that what Sirius really wanted? He can't help but feel anger bubble up inside him then; did Sirius even think about how Remus would feel when he learned he was a murderer? Does Sirius know how hard he tries when it comes to not hurting anybody? Does he even have any idea how much it took for Remus to say yes to the whole Animagus project? Every single damn month he is terrified that something could happen to all three of them!

He knows how Sirius can make decisions on the spur of the moment, and knows how bad of a temper the other boy can have. But that's no excuse! the angry part of his mind tells him. That's no excuse to do what he did! Dumbledore told him he thought Sirius's actions were reprehensible, and confided that the only reason he didn't expel him was because he didn't want him under the influence of his awful family any more than he had to be. And that is another thing Remus worries about. His family must have filled his head with bigoted ideas about werewolves before he met him, ideas that they are less than human. Did the beliefs of his family help him make the decision to use Remus as a revenge tool? Friends should NEVER use friends in that way!

James and Peter come by later to sit with him, banishing Sirius from their group. James is furious with Sirius too. Remus can't help but cry when James speaks soothingly to him, for if things had been worse last night, James could be dead too. He doesn't think the other boy understands how completely dangerous it is to face a werewolf while in human form, and that's exactly what James did when he saved Snape. This is why he hugs James extra tightly and whispers over and over again how completely brave but stupid James was. Being the diplomat that he is, he tells James he feels sorry that he's the reason he and Sirius had a true falling out. James tells him not to be so ridiculous, that of course him and Sirius are going to fight, because Sirius had no right to do what he did. James and Peter hand him bars of chocolate to cheer him up, because they know how much Remus loves chocolate. They sit with him until Madame Pomfrey tells them to leave, and they whisper that they'll be back later under James's invisibility cloak. Once they're gone, Remus lies back in the bed, knowing James and Peter mean well, but silently wondering why they seem to care so much. After all, he's just a no-good, stinking werewolf. He's just a monster who doesn't deserve any friends. He's just a tool, a weapon, a revenge magnet. He buries his head in the pillow again, waiting for sleep to claim him. But when it does, it is filled with horrific nightmares of a huge, furry wolf chewing a black-haired, bespectacled boy and a hook-nosed, greasy-haired boy, with another black-haired boy laughing in the background.

"Yeah, that's all you were to me," the dream-Sirius taunts. "My parents were right about you all along. You're just a filthy creature, and the prank proved just how I feel about you."

And his dreams continue that way for the rest of the night, until Madame Pomfrey wakes him up the next morning, his cheeks stained with tears and his body shivering and shaking. But why is he feeling so awful? After all, according to Sirius, he has no feelings. He's just Remus Lupin, the Revenge Tool.


End file.
